Everyone is Beautiful

Everyone is Beautiful

I saw this posted on Facebook today. I had a rough day yesterday. This felt me feel better. Everyone has purpose and has been hurt. It’s what you do with those negative feelings that counts!

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I AM GIRLS

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“self-centered sense of entitlement and endless capacity to be sexually and socially humiliated”

http://thephoenix.com/Boston/recroom/150907-humiliated-why-i-hate-girls/

This anti-Girls journalist says that Girls is not the voice of a generation, but then describes the characters with the quote above…sounds like my generation to me! My favorite thing about the HBO series is that it makes you painfully uncomfortable.

The women I encounter on a daily basis are intelligent, crass, sexual, beautiful, and hilariously extroverted beings. Girls is the first time I’ve seen that on TV. Sex & the City tried; but then it became a cartoon. Everyone was a Carrie/Samantha/Miranda/Charlotte. With Girls, I dare anyone to loudly proclaim themselves a Hannah or a Jessa without looks of sympathy; when we all know that secretly, we are that damaged.

All of these characters are flawed in some way: Shosanna is innocent to the point of being naive. Marnie is classically beautiful, but emotionally distant and devoid of ambition. Jessa has had a train wreck of a past. Hannah is, well,…Hannah. Self-involved and insecure don’t even begin to describe her. But, they are all amazing. There doesn’t seem to be the sense of fairy tale that I see in other media with a female-dominant cast. It’s not pretty. It’s not fluffy. It’s not soft. I’m just one of those women who would take a day of whiskey shots, bar food, and dancing through emotional landmines over a sun-dress adorned tea party tip-toeing around them.

Lastly, I think it takes those emotionally awkward moments to see the true beauty in the interconnected lives of these women. Jessa and Hannah sharing a bath after the tragically amazing dinner that dissolved Jessa’s marriage. Hannah and Elijah losing their shit (there are no other words to describe this scene) to Icona Pop in a coke-induced moment of ecstasy despite their perilous past relationship. Marnie being vulnerable enough to seek out Charlie for comfort in a confusing moment.

That’s life. It’s not prim and proper. It’s a glorious clusterfuck; and I think Lena Dunham illustrates that wonderfully.

Come Get the Business

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I’m trying to start designing again in my spare time. My former roommate, Aubrey, asked me to design a business card for her. She was specific about wanting a particular style of camera. I re-illustrated the camera image that she sent me and voila! If you are interested in a design related item, send me a message and let’s work something out! 

2013ish…

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New Years Eve. My favorite holiday. There is something about the magic in counting down to infinite possibilities. No one knows what the coming year will hold. Normally, I am not a huge fan of life’s uncertainties, but on NYE, I find a comfort that you can fully put the past behind you and have a fresh start. That’s a lot of pressure on a calendar page.

New Years Eve was fine. I had fun. I went out with my friend Enric [smart, funny, social, pictured above], vacationing from Barcelona and his lovely friend, Samantha [sassy, thin, silently strong]. I met up with Erica [hilarious, gorgeous, personality dopperlganger], one of the people that I met in 2012 that I have come to be most thankful for in my life; and her lovely boyfriend, Nic [hilarious, sweet, pocket-sized]. I also met my friends James [artistic, dapper, ridiculously nice], his girlfriend C’ne [petite, welcoming, very adorable], and their friend This White Bitch/Natalie [she was very beautiful, but I swear each time someone called her by name, it was different and those are the only ones I remember]. The event, Formerly Known As (FKA), was great. FKA always has great DJs spinning interesting mixes and lots of unique, attractive people. We drank, danced, and were merry.

Getting home was a train wreck that took two hours. I get cranky when I am overly tired, overly hungry, and overly sober around drunk people. I hit the triple play of all three. I started cursing the evening. I said it was my last NYE celebration.

In the light of a new afternoon, I don’t think it will be my last NYE outing. Life is too beautiful not to be properly celebrated. However, I feel that times have definitely changed. I am older. I feel it every day. Introducing myself to new people in bar settings proves it. I met girls partying for a 21st birthday. It seems the median bar age was 24. Ulllllggggghhhh. I get strange satisfaction in staying in paying a bill. I will take a good dining experience over a far-too-long bar night any day. I find the screen-written dialogues of my favorite TV shows much more intriguing than many of the fleeting bar conversations. Am I over it???

Watching couples at the venue, I realized that is what I want. I want the comfort of a person who thinks I’m beautiful in grey sweatpants, no makeup (like John Mayer does, but not in a racist, pretentious dick way). I want the stability of not having to hunt someone down because my next intimate touch is minutes away. I want meaningful conversations not slathered in liquor.

This concludes NYE 2013 Lonely Girl Blues.

I have read that For Auld Lang Syne loosely translates to “for (the sake of) old times”. I that case, I feel that because of the past, I am committed to staying positive in 2013. I want to gain the lesson in every situation. Last night’s lesson: I have got to find a way/place to make meaningful connections with others that last past intoxication and beyond social media.

Challenge accepted.

Resolutions…

 

As I sat down to type this first post, I thought to myself how thirsty all that typing was going to make me. I decided to whip up a batch of Crystal Light… and this happened. I closed the refrigerator door with my Zeus-like strength, causing the pitcher of red drink to tsunami all over my fridge and my kitchen floor (which is hideously laminated, you don’t have to tell me). It’s not Kool-Aid, but it’s close enough. I saw this as a sign that I am doing the right thing in starting to blog again. The stars have aligned. Let’s rock this bitch!

2012 has been like this picture. When I was thirsty and oh so close to sipping the sweet victory of success, some power larger than me would slap that shit out of my hands while laughing in my face. Overall, in a one word synopsis: shitty. However, I recently got a job, moved out of my parents’ house, and I’m back to the city I love; doing it big. Ok, I’m not REALLY doing it big, but I’m trying.

Around this time, everyone decides to come up with some list of improvements that they are going to try to make within the coming year. Most people fail. The resolutions that people make are usually pretty ambitious. I figure, if I want to feel accomplished by the end of 2013, I better keep the barometer for success pretty low. Seriously, I think if I try to baby step my way to my self-actualized being, I’ll get there eventually. If I get there faster than I expect, then that’s just awesome.

MY 2013 RESOLUTIONS

1. JOIN A GYM

I got on a serious workout kick in 2012. I lost 30 lbs in 3 months. I signed up for a 5K. I felt amazing and healthier than I had my entire life. But then life happened. I got my heart broken. I moved back to my parents’ house due to lack of employment. I stopped going to the gym. I ate my pain. I ate other people’s pain. I just ate. In 2013, I’m not going to set a weight goal or commit to some crazy diet, but I would like to include as much physical exercise in my life as there are unhealthy habits.

2. SMOKE WHEN I’M DRINKING

Some might say, this sounds like a bad resolution. But, when you smoke all the time, I’d say it would be much healthier if I only smoked when I’m having wine, beer, or cocktails. I don’t often take smoke breaks at work, but when I come home, I make up for lost time. On the weekends, I am a chimney. This is not good. I always thought I would quit smoking when I got pregnant. Many of my friends and family members have abstained from cigarettes at the conception of a child. But, I don’t see the stork visiting me any time soon. Damn you, hypothetical baby, for not aligning our life agendas.

3. DATE

I despise dating. It’s awful, awkward, and time-consuming. However, I tend to use my distaste for dating to jump into relationships that don’t work out because we never took the little steps into being in a relationship known as… dating. Or I longing fall into deep stages of infatuation. I think about the person. I talk to mutual friends about them. But, I never make my move. I’m going to have to suck it up, put on my big girl pants (all of my pants), tell people when I find them intriguing, and just date. I may even join one of those final-nail-in-the-coffin paid dating sites. Ullllllggggghhhhh.

4. READ BOOKS

Game of Thrones is good. The Hunger Games movies are good. But there is something about visualizing the story as you read it rather than watching someone else’s visualization play out onscreen. I need to turn off the TV and pick up a book more often. This will be hard because my cable package is pretty fantastic.

5. DO ME

I have a new job. I am VERY thankful for it. I enjoy parts of it. But, there are other things I enjoy doing. I need to stop coming home from work, eating dinner, watching some TV, and going to bed. Just to start the cycle over again the next morning. I want to get back into graphic designing, blogging, and enjoy other creative endeavors that I have sat aside in the last few months.

Thats it. If I can do these few resolutions, I think 2013 will be amazing. Or least better than sipping on disappointing Kool-Aid.